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Anterrabre is: |
NFORNAGRAPHY
Monday, March 31, 2003 Great, looking at this on IE on pc=crap, so back to drawing board, dammit! >_< *much later* Ahhhhhh.....much better on the Netscape 4+ tip. Have to wait until tomorrow to see what it looks like on the PC though. A happy note: If you don't have Netscape 7, please go get it now. It's wonderful. On another more pissy note: it must be WEALY WEALY WONDERFUL to be as big of a self-absorbed bitch as my sister is. I mean, she beats out a lot of these self-absorbed bitchbrats online, and that's saying a heap. >_<. I went with Mom today to get Grandmere's remains; I am seriously not in the mood for crap from a extremely self-indulgent woman-child who plays at being stupid to get her way and doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself. I mean, really now, how old are we...two? *resists the urge to give someone a bitchslap that can be heard around the world* Kaonashi cried @ 12:13 PM CST Sunday, March 30, 2003 Thank you two so much for your emails, IMs and kind thoughts on your logs. :D Still a damn sight from being okay, but I guess one of the good things about not being okay is that you know that someday, you WILL be okay. I'm a bit busy lately, due to job, finding Kupo a new school for the fall and researching apartments and neighborhoods (on the move again in late June, hurray!) and keeping busy is a good thing. But anyways, back to the continuing drama of "As the Spira Turns...." I get this email from my friend Mousie telling me that an old friend rang up to tell her that she'd heard that Mousie's ex-boyfriend had dropped dead, and did she know about it. WTF? He was one of those exes that you look back on, bang your head against a hard convenient surface and ask yourself "What the FUCK was I thinking?" A real Svengolie-type, that one was, full of insecurity who made sure to pick younger, naive, insecure girls to dominate and control. Mousie, thank god, grew up, eventually left his sorry ass and went on to do so much better in every sense of her life, it's unreal. It's still sad though; dude was just 40 years old, and even if he was a bit of a prick he still didn't deserve to die. I rang her up to see if she was okay, and Mousie said she felt strangely disattached from it all, like she cared but at the same time he really wasn't a part of her world anymore. Thinking about it, maybe that's the most healthy place for her to be at this point. We're wondering how many exes past and current are going to show up at the memorial service. >_< Sometimes, you do see what goes around come back again, but at this point, I've had enough death in the past few months to last a while. Lots of new layouts here, there, and everywhere. Mel, I know you've moved, but I is laaazy right now and will fix your link later, k? malkavians followed london home @ 08:20 PM CST Monday, March 24, 2003 I feel I am in a real-life Spira. It is March, and Death has claimed every month of this year thus far. Last Wednesday, my mom and I attended a memorial service for my god-aunt's mother (who used to babysit Kupo when he was younger) who passed thru the veil from a heart attack. Before that, it was my grandmother on my Dad's side who passed in January. And this Saturday, at approximately 11:15pm, my grandmere's spirit went to join them. When someone passes over, their debt to the living is paid, and old animosities shold not be held as it is a bad thing for the living to carry the burden of bad will and actions of those who are no longer here to offer a solution or closure. It eats away at your very soul,making one bitter, and seeps into every relationsip you have and everything you do. I have made my peace, and at this point I only wish I had understood her better, and I mourn not the person she was, but her missed opportunities in life to be all she could be. And there was some good memories. Memories of her teaching me how to chop vegetables. Of watching the weekly Monster Movie on Channel 32. And the crazy knicknames she had for us all, growing up. My mom went to see her Friday, and she told Mom she was "Getting better and looking forward to flying with Mom in June." In hindsight, we should have known then; my grandmere, after a lifetime of a severe aversion to flying, stating that she wanted to fly. We should have known. but we didn't. Because no matter how sick a person is, or how many preparations you make, nothing prepares you for that final phone call where you realize that you are simply out of time.There is never two without a third, and after the other two deaths, I knew it was a matter of time. I didn't expect the moment to arrive last Saturday though. Ronin kindly took me to make the final identification early Sunday morning. She looked like she was asleep, resting peacefully. Except I knew that she wasn't. And I also...felt her, with us, in the room. And maybe in a sense she was. Because the dead leave a piece of themselves with all of us, through memory and in heart. All religions and cultures have a belief of what happens in the shadowworld, after you pass thru the veil. For some, it's a long, deep sleep, for others, it's the concept of heaven and hell. I like the idea of Grandmere finally flying, higher and higher free from sorrow and pain and regrets of this world, soaring higher than the ocean, the clouds and the sky and even the stars, until finally becoming a force of nature itself; never stopping. malkavians followed london home @ 02:04 PM CST Friday, March 21, 2003 On another note...WTF? is this? Talking fish? See, even fish seem to think that the world has gone mad. That's it. I'm turning off the TV and computer and going outside. malkavians followed london home @ 06:04 PM CST Today I discovered just how easy it is to refer to a group of people as "they." Who are "they?" "They" are people...if you get down to it, who want the same thing that we want...a decent job, friends and family to love...good food to eat and a decent place to live. The basics. When you think about it on that level, those factors are what we have in common. Once you start saying the word "they" it becomes easier and easier to villianize, to think of the others as the enemy, a huge festering mass of humanity ready to be killed, disposed and ultimately forgotten. The uncomfortable truth of the matter is, while we sit smug and watch what happens to "those people" we tend to forget one fact....we are "They" in certain parts of the world. Because someone thought in terms of "they" men went to their deaths in airplanes while ensuring the deaths of others. 60 years ago, a madman who thought in terms of "they" slaughtered over 6 million human beings just because of what they were. The mentaility of "they" has brought nothing but pain. Across the world, a mother in a veil grieves over her dead son, while at the same time, a mother is crying because she just heard that her son won't be coming home ever again. If these two men had met at another time, another lifetime, would they had liked each other? Or would they have continued to think in terms of "they?" Such a dark time....such a dark time right now. Bombs fell today, and people (some of us, some of "them") lost their lives. And if you think it can't happen here you are very much mistaken, because the other shoe always drops. I want everyone to be safe from harm, including our servicemen, the Iraqi people, the British who are helping, and everyone else but it doesn't look like there's going to be a happy ending, no matter what side wins. malkavians followed london home @ 05:22 PM CST Thursday, March 20, 2003 I was going to blog about me job, but something else happened today. I was on my way home when I got waylaid by a bunch of shiny happy people (who of course looked like the types that mummies and daddies will make sure of safe passage to Canada in case the draft is reinstated) who were on their way to protest them a war, yessir. I kindly wished them well, then got on the bus...which traveled about 5 blocks, and then stopped. On one side, a swarming mass of humanity, screaming about how fucked this war is. The reason the bus stopped was because they were swarming into the streets and it wsa impossible to move. On the other side, mounted policemen in full riot gear, mace and billy clubs at the ready. Being on teh bus, I was at eye level with them. Both horses and riders looked grim, as if they didn't want to be there, but by golly, they would kick some ass in case something kicked off. That was at about 5:30 pm. It's almost 10 now, and the standoff is still going strong. I just saw it on the news, and it's not pretty. The reason why this upset me so is that I've just finished reading a bunch of shit on non-American blogs going on about "how Americans don't care about the Iraqi people" and how we are all warmongerers and bastards. And of course these people are from countries that we have repeately given aid to in the past and are happy to take American dollars but spit in our faces.*coughsouthkoreacough* And when I think about some of the....crap I've read tonight and think back about the people I've seen today in the streets screaming about how against this war they are, well, IT PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF. Even more than having a president and a bunch of people in Congress who have NEVER seen a day of military duty, but yet have no problem sending other people's children to die. Or come home a shell of themselves. A lot of the homeless population in this country once served it, and that's a damn shame. So I have some resolutions for my country and for those morons who can't tell the difference between the American people and American foreign policy. 1. All future US presidents MUST have served in the military. I have problems with draft dodgers and politicians sending other peoples children into war. and most importantly: You heard me. America needs to mind our own fucking business. Having a spat with another country? Need some aid? Well, don't ask America for a fucking thing, okay? Don't ask us to help you, then shit all over us. On second thought, you don't have enough spit for that.
malkavians followed london home @ 11:04 PM CST Sunday, March 16, 2003
Whooo....time to play catch-up, I've had a busy week... Tuesday: Went to Work, Cursed the damn tooth. Went to study group. Went to bed. Wednesday: Went to work. While poking around in my mouth with my tongue, found small absess on said tooth. Cursed it. Went to study group. Went to bed. Thursday: Still cursing said tooth. Study Group. Bed. Friday: Went to work glad that errant, bad tooth would soon be gone. Got out of study thingie early. Ronin picked me up and we went to Target, where I picked up a Bratz Doll for one of Kupo's classmates who also made honor roll with him. Saturday, 9:00am-11:45: Ronin came by to pick up Kupo and I. Went to dentist. Out of sheer reflex, grabbed the arm holding the big-ass needle and pissed Doctor off. Told him I wouln't do it again and grabbed his wrist again. Nurse told me to clutch her arm and I left brusies on it. Doctor leaves to let the novocaine "kick in" malkavians followed london home @ 02:05 PM CST Sunday, March 9, 2003 Yay, he likes the Saga Excel (which is easily the most craziest thing I've seen in a long time). PUU-CHOO! Hmmm....seem to be off the downward spiral, hopefully for good. Things have a nice way of arranging themselves just right sometimes. malkavians followed london home @ 01:44 PM CST Thursday, March 6, 2003 Haven't felt like logging as of late due to nasty, nappy toothache in one of my back molars. Yep, that sucker is going to have to come out, seeing how a good chunk of tooth is missing from it (don't ask) and chewing is begging to become a problem. Got antibiotics for nasty abcess that seemed to develop overnight, as well as some good Tylenol 3 for those painful moments when I wake up to a persistant "throb, throb throb" of mutant tooth. Ze BFs B-day is coming up on Sunday, and I finally figured out what to get him, thank goodness. One of the bad things about his b-day being in March is that usually I'm all idealed out from Xmas and have to figure out somethign to get him. usually I go with a bunch of little things that I know he likes but won't ever buy for himeself because he can't justify the expense (like $10 "special" Chai teas, certain anime...stuff like that). Hope he likes...I've never been wrong yet. ~_^ Funniest headline I've seen about the war yet: Nyet, Non, NEIN! Russia, France, and Germany become the "Axis of No!" ROFL! One thing I wish non-Americans who bash us would realize: There's a HUGE difference between the American people and American foreign policy. Think about it. There are some Americans who are for the war, with good reason. There are Americans against the war, also with good reason. There are people like me who say No to War, but if it is unavoidable to support our troups because they put their asses out on the front line so I can sit my cushy ass down and talk shit about old ass bastards in Congress who have never seen a day of military duty sending countless of thousands of our American men and women out into a war where some won't come back and some will but their minds won't without having some official looking characters drag me out of my house at 2am in the morning, never to be seen or heard from again. And then there are the people who said Screw it, completely nuke the entire Middle East. Our points of view are quite varied, and I wish some of these people out there could understand that before opening their mouths about things they don't understand. malkavians followed london home @ 06:55 PM CST Sunday, March 2, 2003 Rather than being "It's all about me, me, me" today, I decided to just poke mah head in on others and see how they are doing.... Good luck on the moving....I know how much a pain in the ass it is, and I'm not looking forward to doing it in 4 months. Trying to cram years of life on a truck...ugh. Not to mention that I have 10+ huge boxes of books which means that nobody in their right mind will want to help me move. You enjoy your holiday, because you deserve it, esp. after the way they worked you last year. And you have fun but be careful, okay? *scratches head* Hey, where the hell you Be? *sends out a search party* Your layout look gorgeous, as per usual. Btw, I meant to comment on an old post of yours about nasty trends, but haven't had time as of late. Suffice to say that it's not an American Trend, but a sick "I need to think of something nasty to say oh I guess I'll just say this because I think it'll be cute" stupidity trend, but I'll devote a post to this on a later date. As for everything else...happi March!
malkavians followed london home @ 02:40 PM CST |
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