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Anterrabre is: |
NFORNAGRAPHY
Wednesday, August 28, 2002 2:30 am. my place. Animals completely on crack or something... Hellfang: (....Zzzzzzz....*snore* HA-CHOO! Me gots cold, me gots cold...I want a snack.) MEOW! Me: My face! WTF? Me: Stop plotting against me before I kill you all! Gotta love em! malkavians carried london away @ 08:05 PM CST Tuesday, August 27, 2002 Ugh...I think I have pink-eye... Other than that, I made a wonderful discovery yesterday. Finishing my job interview, I walked out of Corporateland and walked around the grounds to get to the bus stop when I smelled the most wonderful smell...GREEN! In case you're wondering what the H I'm talking about, I'll tell you. To me, certain smells have a certain color. In this case, green smells like outside, like fresh-mowed grass, clipped hedges...that sort of thing. Grass is kinda a medium green color, where hedges vary between light and dark, depending. Grass in autumn gets a kinda greenish-yellow smell. But yesterday, I smelled green in all it's range. In case you're STILL wondering what is up with all this color (and perhaps debating on whether or not I had something to smoke or drink this morning) it's this simple. I haven't smelled green since a year after HS...which is when I started to smoke. I've smelled it now and then since, but never with the same fragrance, the same intensity as before. Until now. I guess those people who said that I'll start smelling things better once I quit were right. On the other hand, I'm taking this damn patch off at night, before bed. I've had the most cracked-out dreams you wouldn't believe. malkavians carried london away @ 11:43 AM CST Sunday, August 25, 2002
Such stranjeness in the air....it feels like a soap bubble...stretched to endurance, ready to explode. So much weirdness going on, both online and off. There's a wind that blows a stranje breeze, like weird weather where the sky turns that amber-green color that lets you know some serious crap is coming your way. That's how I feel. In happier news, it's been 2 weeks now since I had a cigarette! ^)^ malkavians carried london away @ 04:24 PM CST Friday, August 23, 2002 What is UP with these tables? O_o malkavians carried london away @ 02:09 AM CST Thursday, August 22, 2002 Yes, I've changed me layout! Whipped up a little something in Illustrator and Photoshop, yes I did. ^_^ Added some links of people who I read on a semi-regular basis. Still some things I don't like (in paticular, the background and how it came out) but I'll fix that over the next few days. Many new layouts, and pretty ones at that! Thanks for everyone who wished me a happy birthday! edit: Fixed background and other refinements! Go, me! *makes torch to set meow-mix wench who works with Baby Giger on fire* edit2: Excuse me while I lose my mind...PUUUUUUCCCAAA Goodies! *^)^* malkavians carried london away @ 10:10 PM CST Wednesday, August 21, 2002 Hmm..kinda bored tonight (not to mention kinda ticked off that Tamyra got voted off American Idol) so I decided to surf around and see what I can see... This goes in the WTF department. *goes back to playing with all the Pucca goodies acquired on Birthday* Time for a new layout.....*breaks out the Illustrator* malkavians carried london away @ 09:51 PM CST Tuesday, August 20, 2002
Happy birthday to me... *sigh* Whenever I think of birthdays, I always think of that Smith Song, "Unhappy Birthday." Except I'm not evil, I don't lie...but there's probably some people out there who wish I might die. Fortunately for me, I don't give a damn about what they wish anymore, go if it makes them happy to wish me ill will, more power to them. When you waste your time thinking, plotting against, or just giving them energy in your thoughts to LOSERS, they still have power over you, because you are giving them power in your deeds and thoughts, and you are actually draining yourself, not the other party. Took me a long time to realize that. Pity that others haven't. Yesterday was so horrible, it's not even worth blogging about. Bad days for me always go on and on. I can't simply have just one really bad thing happen to me. Oh no...Bad days for me has a snowball effect..the day just continue to get worse and worse, from morn to night. Baaaa! So anyway, Ronin picks me up, and I just sit in the car...I rant a little bit, and then I go silent. While driving, he puts his hand on my knee and squeezes it. It's weird how sometimes, words really aren't necessary. In fact, sometimes, words aren't welcome, but silent support is. I get out of the car to go into the house when he tells me to wait a minute, goes into the trunk and gives me my birthday present one day early. After a certain age, (and especally because of all the crap that is going on at his job) I really didn't expect anything. And it bought a nice ending to a completely hellacious day. Every year I make goals for myself. And every year I go over old goals to see what I have completed, what I've done that I shouldn't do again, and what I should continue to do. And even though I haven't met a lot of the goals I made on my last birthday, I've accomplished some that weren't even on my list. And above all..I'm still here! Life, in itself is a gift. Note: Oh yes, 9 Days smoke-free! *^_^* malkavians carried london away @ 12:58 PM CST Sunday, August 18, 2002 Took Hellfang to be evaluated for threat today at Dog-trainer thingy. When we arrived, hte plae was closed so since we were early we decided to walk around the neighborhood. Bad idea, in restrospect. Here is a list of his various crimes. *jumped when a dog greeted him, then cried when we wouldn't let him bite him...yet slunk away anytime the dog approached him. (passive agressive, anyone?) ¥ Despite us trying to drag him into the alley (where clean-up would have been neater) decided to take a humongous crap- right in the middle of the street. The cars waited as I did the turd-juggle with the plastic bag. ¥ Terrorized a little dog who was minding his own business. ¥ Was determined to punish a group of children who-gasp- were playing ball in their alley. Angry because Ronin denied him this priveledge, he then nipped Ronin dead on the ass. Ronin was not amused. ¥ When we weren't looking, decided to dig his snout into someone shopping bag who was waiting for the bus to see what they were having for dinner. ¥ Snapped at a runner. Twice. ¥ÊHowled when we passed a church with a choir singing inside. They were not amused. As church was a block long, howling commenced for a very long time. Yet the trainer feels that there is hope for my personal Fenrir. He feels that he wants to be good, he just doesn't know how. Not to mention that he seriously needs socialization...BADLY. I'm just happy that he didn't suggest to put him down straightaway. Hellfang/Fenrir tried all his little tricks. The trainer let him know that he wasn't having it. He even tried to make nice and pretend that he is good. The trainer let him know that he saw through the facade. Hellfang's going to be in the next training class. Shhhhh...don't tell him! ;D malkavians carried london away @ 10:19 PM CST Thursday, August 15, 2002 No smokee for moi diary: Day 1: Ugh. Damn patch won't stay put. The only thing i don't like is that I'm having these buck-wild, vivid dreams that almost border on nightmares. Wonder if it has something to do with the patch... In other news, went into downtown Metropolis to the library to do some research. Had to get change first, so I went to the gas station, where this incredibly rude woman and her guy had a long conversation about-of all things-my hair. WTF is WRONG with people? She did say some nice things about my hair though: "Oh, if I can have locks, I would want them to look like hers...so many people are DIRTY wearing them." You know, I don't sit up and talk about people who put weaves in their hair with glue guns (like the young lady in question here). Okay, I admit I do laugh at people who run for cover at the first sign of rain so their hair won't get ruined, but that's the extent of it. I just did what I always do....ignore, snore. At least they weren't like those freaky people who come up to me and ask can they touch my hair. Ugh. Anyway, got on the bus and listened to this guy talking loudly all the way downtown, and a horrible conversation it was; all about this sneaky uncle who used to throw his cat on the stove as a joke and burn the man with cigarettes when he was little. I'm happy to say this story has a happy ending: According to the gentleman, when he grew up, he was with his buddies in the park one day, when they saw Uncle Du Sade himself. They beat the living crap out of him. Ha ha! Got some call-backs today that look promising. ^_^ *wonders if she would give a damn about the economy if she was employed full-time, and not freelance.* Ronin's job is still fucking up. He's going to have to work at his second job more hours now. Something tells eme that me b-day is not going to be cheery, but oh well. If he can't do anything, them's the breaks. I admit that I'm a little put out about it, considering all the crap I got (and did) for him on his b-day, but if he can't, he can't, so I'm not going to be selfish about it, because that would be wrong. Better days are coming for both of us job-wise; I can feel it in the air....but I refuse to whore myself out to the land of Advertising Agencies. Bless those who have the drive and determination to suceed there, but I want to have a life outside of work. malkavians carried london away @ 08:41 PM CST Monday, August 12, 2002 20 Resumes sent out last week, and not even a nibble...bastids! ^_^ Watched LOTR for the upteenth time with Kupo...He got all upset when Gandalf "went into shadow." He was also overly concerned about Frodo constantly getting stabbed, dropped, etc... He keeps asking me is Gandalf going to be in the next movie, and of course I refuse to tell him..what fun would that be if he knew what happened? He tried to ask Ronin on the sly Saturday, but he played dumb and told him "You'll have to wait until it comes out then, or read the book." Since LOTR (with the exception of the hobbit) are kinda out of his level at this point, he is pissed at both of us now. Go us! Quitting smoking on my own wasn't going anywhere, so I decided to try out those new patches that are supposed to help. The day went a little like this: 11:00: Woke up. Felt cravings going on. Put on patch. Lessons learned today: malkavians carried london away @ 07:51 PM CST Wednesday, August 7, 2002 In a pretty good mood today.... I heard from Halo today....he's going for another gig in Korea, and I wish him well....I miss him to pieces. Snuffles is out of rehab and is back and has his own page now. It's strange..I've known him for two years now, adn even though we see each other liek never...Im honored that he is a part of my life. The dreaded 33 is coming up. Well, maybe not dreadful...I'm one of those rare people how firmly believe that the older you get...the better you get. Or should get. Getting older should be an adventure...and birthdays should be used to take stock of your life...where you are now, and where you want to be. What type of person you want to be. I had this teacher once that was stuck in a time frame of wanting to be forever young, and I felt quite sorry for her. She had a crapload of plastic surgery that was really obvious and to me it seems she spent an extraordinary amount of time mourning something that fades anyway. (for the record, I believe that if you want to get plastic surgery you should go for it if it makes you feel better, but if you've had so much you look like the lady on "Brazil" it's obviously too much.) Each year we are on this earth is precious, and I refuse to mourn something that is fleeting anyway. I firmly intend to be that old lady on the hill somewhere that children scream when they pass her house, but once they get to meet her, discover she is most kind. ^_^ Maybe even eccentric. Wait a sec...when you have money it's considered eccentric. I'll be just crazy! I refuse to dwell on any mistakes I may have made in the past, because those mistakes have made me the person I am today. Even negative people have a reason for being in your life; to show you what you don't want to be, to give you some fortitude, or to make it clearer what you want out of life. Any negative experience, if you look at it right, can be changed into a positive if you look at it the right way. So many people play the would've, could've, should've game, whereas you didn't, get over it, and see what you learned from it. If you feel that you haven't learned anything...you're simply haven't looked enough at the situation. Or want to look at it. But anyways, went to the Library yesterday! ^_^ Love going to the library, I can never simply pick up a couple of books...it's always about 15 or something. Picked up 4 books on mythlogy for a shrine I'm developing, and some other books for "light reading." It's finally cooled down to the point where it's comfortable now...where the trees are breezy...and where you want to sit in a hidden park in the midst of the city in the grass and read a book, smelling the tart smell of cut grass, and looking around at the tall buildings all about you. On the streets people are rushing about as usual, but you're not. Because you're in your private place...this beautiful oasis that you've carved out for yourself..a moment of silence in a city that is never still. Maybe someone's errant dog runs up to you and licks your face. Or a pigeon craps on you. Or you find a 20 dollar bil in the grass. Places like this are magic...and anything can happen on a given day. There are many of these hidden oasis in every city, and each one always fills my batteries. malkavians carried london away @ 03:29 PM CST Saturday, August 3, 2002 Nothing much to blog about, really. Never heard back from that company..oh well, their loss...there's more important things going on in my life right now than to fret about a missed opportunity. Mom's started looking into "arrangements" just in case Gran...never gets better. It's horrible that we even have to think this way...but better to be prepared now and know our options than wait until it happens, be completely sacked with grief, and let some mortician like the one in the movie Phantasm have his way with us. The Princess is of course scandalized by it all...she says that it's horrible that we are even thinking this way even though Gran is not yet gone, and that we are completely sacreligious, but she tends to keep her head in the clouds. Plus she hates Gran, and has no idea of how much she has deterioated (sp). Sigh...feel so bad for Mom...who's an only child, tryng to deal with all of this... Seems like everyone is pretty much in the same sad depressed state of being, so I'll try to address them all: Nagi: Start looking....Sounds like that train's derailed; you don't need to stick around for the actual crash. *goes to watch Resident Evil DVD to see what all the fuss is about* malkavians carried london away @ 11:41 PM CST |
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